Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
