i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Randomize
