wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
i think im in europe. pls send help
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
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