Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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