? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
jesus mom
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
Randomize
