I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
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