I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
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