we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
Randomize
