also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Randomize
