i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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