does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Randomize
