I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
Randomize
