i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
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