he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Randomize
