id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
