I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Randomize
