Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
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