Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
Randomize
