i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
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Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
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I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
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