sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
Randomize
