drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Randomize
