drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
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