Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
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