I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
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