I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
Randomize
