he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
Randomize
