He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
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