Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
Sober January is a disaster.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
Randomize
