Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
Randomize