My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
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