I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
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