I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
