i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
Randomize
