About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Randomize
