if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
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