Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
