I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
Randomize
