I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
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