Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Randomize
