If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
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