I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
My breath smells like gin and sadness
Randomize
