I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
