In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
