someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
I think my vagina is haunted
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
