Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
