The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
Randomize
