I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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