why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
I DEMAND FORESKIN
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
