I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Randomize
