sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Randomize
