Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
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