Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Randomize
