u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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