Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize
