"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
