I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
Randomize
