My girlfriend figured out who you are.
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Randomize
