Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
