talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
Randomize
