i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Randomize
