her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
