I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
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