i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Randomize