It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
Holy sore nipples Batman
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
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