I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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