Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
Randomize
