he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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