We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
