At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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