Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Randomize
