Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
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