There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
