You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
Randomize
