Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
