She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
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