So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
