If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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