Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
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