i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
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