i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
Randomize
